Q: My 8th grade son is very involved in middle school sports. In fact, he’s so involved that his grades are slipping. We’re talking B’s to C’s and even the occasional D. My biggest concern is that this grade slide will affect his ability to be admitted to a good private high school and may subsequently affect his performance there if he’s unable to better balance his life. He’s a terrific athlete and really excels at most sports he undertakes. As sports have been an area of great personal satisfaction for him I am loathe to cut them out of his life entirely. Any suggestions? By the way, just so you know, I’m not hoping he becomes another Joe Montana. I just want to give him the opportunity to participate in something he enjoys so much!

A: Your dilemma is an all too common one for parents these day who are trying to help their teenagers balance their busy lives. Many teens have hectic after school schedules that often include sports, music lessons and practice, as well as other activities both in and out of school. It can be especially difficult for young adolescents to prioritize and develop a time management system, especially when academic demands mount and an enticing social life beckons. Like music lessons, sports practices and games can take up a lot of a student’s time and energy. Many an exhausted athlete arrives home after a game ending at 5 or 6 pm only to be faced with 3-4 hours of homework. Somewhere in between they have to squeeze in dinner, shower, and "unwind" time. It’s no wonder that not every student in this position is able to excel on the field and in the classroom.

Any significant drop in grades is cause for concern. It is certainly time to sit down with your son to find out what, exactly, from his perspective, is going wrong. Be sure that you take the time to listen to him and validate his point of view. A one-side lecture from you will probably not be well received. Discuss the dilemma of balancing sports and academics. It is not uncommon for adolescents, particularly boys, to have problems in time management, organization and long-term planning. It may be that some assistance from you in this matter would be helpful. Sometimes, young teens are beginning to be resistant to parent intervention. If this is the case in your home, you may want to consider looking to the school as a resource. Talk with the counselor and his teachers. Find out from them what they see as the problem. Remember, teachers spend a good part of the day with your son and are thus excellent sources of information about his performance and general attitude. Some schools have support systems built in to the curriculum, offering study skills classes, homework centers or even, as in the case of Crocker Middle School in Hillsborough, a tutorial elective for daytime academic assistance. Susan Camarillo, head counselor at Crocker advises not cutting out athletics for your son if at all possible. "We shouldn’t focus exclusively on academics so that kids can’t have athletics and a well-rounded experience. But it is hard to juggle so many things and you need support and guidance." It may be beneficial to bring on board a learning specialist whose expertise is in the area of organizational consulting and study skills coaching. There is no way around the fact that grades count in high school admissions decisions and any help that you can give your son to boost his grades and his scholastic self-confidence would be beneficial.

Unless a particular high school is looking for a star athlete, the focus in admissions is always on a student’s grades, entrance exam scores and reports from teachers. In your discussion with your son, you need to speak frankly about the type of school he wants to apply to and whether or not he will be sufficiently prepared for an intensive academic environment. Low grades will certainly preclude admission to certain schools and even if he is accepted, the problem of continued low grades in the face of a demanding sports schedule may ultimately preclude him from participating in sports all together. On the other hand, a talented and gifted middle school athlete should not be discouraged at the first sign of academic difficulty. It is too early in his life to be closing off options and it is an excellent opportunity for you and especially your son to look at his strengths and challenges and to learn how to strike a balance for minimum stress and maximum success. Pam Brandau, an educational consultant in the Oakland/Piedmont area, suggests that by 10th grade, it is time to make more definite decisions about whether or not a student should continue in a demanding sports program. She cites a client she worked with who found it necessary to quit crew in her junior year in order to pull her grades up. A demanding practice schedule left her tired, stressed and hopelessly behind in school. Refocusing on academics allowed put her grades back on track.

fathers in particular who vicariously live out their athletic careers through their sons

Sometimes parents find it difficult to help their teen make a decision regarding level of participation in sports. Brandau has seen fathers in particular who vicariously live out their athletic careers through their sons. Sports participation, she says, should be the student’s decision, ultimately, with the parents providing support and advice as needed. Sometimes peer pressure prevents a teen from being able to look realistically at his schedule. Grades need to be used as the measure here and an honest look at study habits and goals is in order. Any emotional issues or social problems potentially contributing to a drop in grades need to be addressed immediately prior to an adjustment in schedule or study habits. The bottom line is that school should be a top priority. For the parents of a student heavily involved in athletics, the question needs to be: "What can we do to maximize your chances for success in both?"

Copyright © 1998-2002 by Beth Samuelson